Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
being pregnant is like rehab
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
