to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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