he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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