I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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