He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
