the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
