Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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