he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
