thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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