You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
