I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
