i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
