You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
