Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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