I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
