2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
