you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
