JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
