I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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