i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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