Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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