I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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