Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
