i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
