you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
