That's intense
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
