I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
