I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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