I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
