Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My life is pants optional.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
