I'm so fucking centered right now
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
how drunk are you?
Several
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
