you have to choose: penises or morals?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
