Don't make out with my wife yet
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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