I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
