Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
