How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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