I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
