he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
