what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
