I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I died a long time ago.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize