Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
