My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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