started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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