I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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