Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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