Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
