i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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