please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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