I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
