Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
